Friday, November 2, 2012

Another Reason to Ignore My Kitchen

This week, my 7yo daughter asked me to make baked goods for her school's Halloween party.  I have done this for school parties in the past, which is kind of ironic, given that I am not really the Suzie Homemaker kind of a mom.  My daughter loves offering the goods to her class though, so I continue to bake, if for no other reason but to bask in the mommy-ness of the task.

I was hoping to get out of cookie duty this year but on the morning of the party, my daughter freaked out on me for not having made anything.  Being the sucker nice mom that I am, I sent her off to school with the promise that I would make cookies that morning, and bring them to the office at her school before her party started.

The cookies had to be nut-free of course, but also egg free for this particular class.  I, Super mom, made cookies like mad that morning.  I ran out to the store for ingredients and churned out a few trays of cookies that had to be cooled down and delivered before noon that same day.

Wow, I thought to myself, praising my awesomeness.  

Once I got to the school office, I explained to the secretary why I was delivering the cookies.  She asked me if we had any peanut butter in the house, to which I replied 'yes', but didn't think it relevant since the jar had not been opened in over a week prior to this baking session.

Not good enough apparently.  My cookies were denied!  

Still not wanting to disappoint my daughter, I ran over to the grocery store and found some boring shortbread cookies that were free of offending nuts and eggs.  She was apparently happy with this.

So the bad news is obvious.  The good news:  No more baking!  Woot!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

No Faux Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Today I rescued a lost dog.  He wasn't actually lost as it turned out, but he was alone in the ravine, covered in burrs when I stumbled upon him while walking my own dog.  It was easy enough to put a leash on him, so I walked him up to my house and called the number on the dog tag.

After reuniting the dog with his owner who was doing maintenance on a nearby golf course, I bragged to my neighbor that God was definitely going to look after me for the rest of the day.

Maybe that only works after rescuing a dog that is genuinely lost.

After being out and about for most of the day, I returned home to find that my dog had had explosive diarrhea all over my kitchen floor.  I'm talking EXPLOSIVE!  There was more brown, watery crap in my kitchen than actual visible floor!

I glamorously cleaned that up while a construction crew in my back yard pretended not to watch.  At least the guys in the yard didn't have to watch me clean up the dog vomit that ensued in the living room about 15 minutes later.  They did however catch a glimpse of me cleaning up my younger daughter whose nose started bleeding profusely at about the same time for no good reason whatsoever!

Exasperated, I shouted out to the guys in the back yard "for the love of God, could there be any more disgusting substances for me to clean up today!???"

They all smirked.